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Its crazy that I didn’t write a single word on this thing for the whole year of 2013.  Not that it was a bad year at all.  Some highlights:

—An amazing trip to Israel!

—A few trips to see Mr. Winslow and Sissy

—Rocking out at my career as super science teacher

A good year for sure, but not super blog worthy.

So here I am in 2014.  I decided to start writing again mostly to serve as updates to my family and close friends along the now epic journey to Muffin Wonderful.  After two failed IUI’s (I didn’t even ovulate on this last one), I am fed up with the cattle assembly line of Kaiser and made an appointment with an IVF doctor for February 4th.  S**t just got real.  It was pretty surreal making the appointment, but I know that I need a doctor who is willing to piece together the puzzle of my as yet “unexplained” infertility and I’m ready for “make it happen” mode level 3.

I was always very resistant to the idea of IVF.  I just kept thinking it would happen for me naturally (or almost naturally).  But something in me just knows I am going to need more help and that wishing a baby into existence will not be my way.  There are some major considerations for IVF  that have kept me from even allowing it as a possibility in my mind.

One, I think it goes against the whole Natural Selection thing that I talk to my students about in unit 5 of Biology.  I mean, if I’m not getting pregnant, is there something about my eggs that is off?  Are the chromosomes funky?  Not the fittest of the bunch?  Is nature determining that my unfertilized (or even fertilized) eggs are duds?

Two, the crazy medications and hormones that I will subject myself to, not to mention general anesthesia for the egg retrieval.  This is a HUGE deal for me!  I work with fickle hormonal teenagers 40 hours a week and I have to be really ON in order for it all to come together and for me to love my job.  If I’m also raging with new and unfamiliar hormones, what in the heck will happen? Realistically, I’m sure it will be fine, but in my mind chaos will ensue.  Not to mention, Daniel will have to inject these hormones into my butt and stomach daily.  Definitely not what he signed up for.  I’m worried I’ll go from sexy wife to sickly patient.  Who wants that?

Three, if my dreams come true and I get pregnant via IVF, what do we do with the extra embryos?  We could have like 20 or 10 or even 2 leftover…do we keep them on ice forever?  Donate them to an infertile couple?  Donate them to science?  Dump them in the medical trash can?  Is it life at that point? I’m leaning toward no on that and have mostly dealt with this concern.  I think I would either donate them to science or give them to the trash can.

Four, it costs A LOT of money.  Thankfully Daniel and I have great jobs and no debt so we are able to save.  But still.  It’s almost like putting $10,000 on a black jack table in Vegas.  Maybe we will win the best prize of our lives!  Maybe it will all be for nothing and I don’t know how I’ll deal with that.

So anyway, please be praying for me on the 4th.  Specifically, pray that the doctor will have wisdom and insight that the Kaiser doctor hasn’t and that I can finally have some answers.  I’ll keep you posted.

One Response to “This Wasn’t Supposed to be an Infertility Blog”

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