Poodles Wanting Babies

While my brain space used to be taken up with weight loss, teaching, calorie counting, and reality television, its now almost all consumed with the art of baby making.  No, not consumed with the fun part, a la teenage boy, but consumed with troubleshooting the unseens and unknowns of conceiving.  Over the past few months I have switched to half caff coffee, taken a prenatal vitamin and baby aspirin faithfully each night and have reduced my drinking habit from 7 nights a week to two.  None of these modifications have produced Muffin Wonderful so I am trying two new modifications this month: taking my basal temperature and acupuncture.

I believe that God is in control of this process, so its hard for me to find a balance where I do my part while trusting God to do His.  A few days ago when I found my hopes demolished yet again with the arrival of my period, I wept bitterly as I tried to fall asleep.  I felt so mad at God, so angry that He was not giving me what I wanted most in the whole world.  I look around at everyone else who is pregnant, all of my friends, coworkers and students who didn’t even try, it just happened for them whether they planned it or not.  I cant figure out why its not happening for me.

My mom was super helpful yesterday.  I was telling her how disappointed I am that yet again, I am not pregnant this month.  She told me that she prays for me everyday, that I wouldn’t just get pregnant, but that I would become pregnant with a baby that I will carry to term.  That really got me thinking that God knows how much I really want a baby and perhaps He wants to give me just that, a baby, not just a pregnancy.

I didn’t intend for this blog to go from yoga to teaching to babies, but I want to write about what is important to me right now.  Next, it will hopefully become a place where I write about pregnancy too, and eventually a platform for mommy woes and for shamelessly displaying pictures of THE Muffin Wonderful in adorable outfits and poses.  I’m really looking forward to that.

2 Responses to “Poodles Wanting Babies”

  1. Joy
    February 6, 2012 at 11:46 am #

    I LOVE the title of this post! That’s awesome that mom was so helpful. She is so great. 🙂 However, I don’t think you should let this turn into a mommy blog! Boring. Even when Muffin Wonderful comes around, you’ll still want to have a diverse life and loves. You are good at many things besides mothering! Don’t forget that. 🙂

    • Sarah
      February 6, 2012 at 9:44 pm #

      Totally Joy! Thanks for that reminder and encouragement!

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