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I went to a work meeting today and left feeling pretty bummed out.  It was a big meeting with multiple school sites and I was going to see my old coworkers for the first time since I left.  Getting ready this morning, I felt as if I was going to see an ex boyfriend for the first time post breakup.  I saved my best outfit to wear, I did my hair and make up carefully, and even woke up Mr. Wonderful to be sure I looked okay.  In a perfect world I would have shown up at the meeting with lovely well defined curls, a perfect white smile, oh, and while I’m at it, I would be 10 pounds lighter.  I felt good and kept smiling at everyone.  As the meeting eeked into the afternoon, I started to feel a familiar melancholy descend on me.  The best way to describe the feeling is that its as if I was forced into a time machine that took me back to 1993 when I was an awkward, sad and mostly unkempt middle schooler who wore the same thrift shop shirt three days a week.  The feeling is one of being just so unlikable and not good enough.  Says who?  Says my old coworkers (not out loud of course, but in my crazy head).  I cant believe that I sat in a room with those feelings for 40 hours a week for years!

Now what?  I need to move on and stop thinking about it.  I get so all in my head about them.  What are you supposed to do post breakup?  Get rid of all your belongings that have been tainted by the relationship (check), make sure you delete their number from your phone (check), and then you move on.  Move on.  I thought I had!  I love my new coworkers.  We work like a dream team and as recent as yesterday, more than one of them have mentioned that they like me and are learning about teaching from listening to me.  I don’t want to sit in these ugly feelings of inadequacy, especially when I am not inadequate, I am actually great at my job!  I suppose the best cure for this feeling is a good dance song, a glass of wine, and a prayer of thankfulness that God knew exactly where I needed to be this school year.  I know that with time I will no longer feel such strong emotions when I think of my former school, but until then, cheers to new beginnings in a place I belong!

One Response to “Breaking Up is Hard to Do”

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